Six Tips For Families
For Less Stressful School Meetings

1. Prepare yourself.

Empower yourself by being prepared. Refresh your memory. Review your child's assignments, report cards, notes and letters from the school to you, and notes and letters from you to the school. Review current and past evaluations such as Multifactored Evaluations (MFE's), Independent Educational Evaluations (IEE's), psychological evaluations, neuropsychological evaluations, related services evaluations, and the like. Review school plans, such as Individualized Education Programs (IEP's), Intervention Assistance Team plans (IAT's), 504 plans, and the like. Talk with your child. Ask what is going well about school, what isn't going well at school, and ideas your child has about how to make his school experience be more productive.team. This meeting is about your child. Use it and structure it in a way that works for you.

2. Be open and honest.

A question frequently posed by family members is, "Should I tell the school about my child's illness?" Of course this is a personal decision that each family needs to make based on their own particular set of circumstances, however be certain to consider these aspects when making your decision.

How can the school plan for appropriate services for your child if they are not working with complete information? This would be like going to the doctor seeking care for recurrent chest pain but being unwilling to tell the doctor your symptoms. You must give as complete and accurate information as possible to the school so that they can make precisely assess your child's needs and plan accordingly. If you hold back information you risk developing a plan that may not only be of little value in meeting their academic needs, but in addition, perhaps crafting a plan that might only serve to further exacerbate their illness. Please seriously consider providing complete information regarding your child.

In addition most school personnel are deeply appreciative of your willingness to be open and honest, allowing them to serve your child more successfully. In cases where emotional disturbances are involved, the school is often given incomplete information due to concerns about stigma and confidentiality. They are most appreciative when a family is willing to be open with them.

3. Bring support with you.

Make it a goal to always bring support with you to the meeting. Whenever possible, it is helpful to have both parents attend the meetings. Be sure to anticipate the questions and issues that may surface, allowing time for advance discussion by both parents. The goal of the discussion is to reach a consensus position between both parents so that a united front is communicated to school staff. This prevents an opportunity for a "divide and conquer" strategy and also lends itself to efficient time use at the meeting itself. If both parents will be attending the meeting but are arriving to the meeting via separate transportation, don't permit the meeting to begin until both parents arrive.

Bring members of your child's treatment team such as the child's therapist/counselor, speech/occupational/physical therapist, case manager. Have the child's psychiatrist's thoughts communicated to the team in some fashion. It is ideal if the physician is able to attend the meeting, however most are generally unable to attend these meetings. Physical presence is optimal, but if the physician cannot attend the meeting, be sure to have their thoughts communicated to the team in some fashion. The physician can write a letter to the team, send a report of their findings, send an e-mail or audiotape, or attend the meeting via speaker phone. However you can get their thoughts represented is by far a superior option over having such a critical player's voice being unrepresented.

If the child is hospitalized or being treated in an intensive outpatient treatment setting such as Partial Hospitalization or a Day Treatment program, bring letters from those team members that define the child's current functioning level and their recommendations relative to school planning upon return to school.

Whenever possible have experts speak for themselves, whether their voice is verbal, electronic, or written, rather than having you speak for them. This brings credibility to the recommendations and eliminates the opportunity for the request to be interpreted as a parent "trying to get more services for their child".

4. Focus on the Child.

Meetings encompass complex functions and dynamics. All parties enter meetings with the trials of the day on their mind, busy schedules, limited funds, and multiple priorities and allegiances. It is critical to assure that the entire team refocuses their attention onto the needs and concerns regarding your child, and your child in the context of being a living, breathing, human being…not an impersonal entity described on paper or a budget concern. Focusing on the child as a person brings the focus of the meeting back to a human level. This focus can be achieved in a variety of ways.

The most definitive way, of course, is to have the child attend the meeting personally. There are a number of factors that must be considered in determining if it would be helpful to have the child attend the meeting.

If the child is unable to attend or contribute to the meeting you can maintain focus on the child by bringing photos of your child to the meeting. Place the photos at the center of the table or pass one to each team member, requesting that they keep in mind that this meeting is to address your child's LIFE and future.

5. Request major documents in advance of the meeting.

Multifactored-Evaluations (MFE's), Individualized Education Programs (IEP's) as well as other Educational Plans, are generally lengthily complex documents, filled with a tremendous amount of information that is critical to your child's school success and future. It is absolutely essential that you have adequate time to review the document in detail, prior to the meeting. As early as possible in the process, let the school know that you would will need a draft copy of the document at least 5 days in advance of the meeting. For an MFE you might want to communicate this when you sign the consent form authorizing the MFE and for an IEP or other plan you might want to communicate this when you sign the invitation to the IEP meeting. It is always helpful to put this request in writing. It is essential that you have adequate time to review these comprehensive and important documents, thoroughly, prior to the meeting.

Be prepared to cancel and reschedule the meeting if you do not have these documents in advance. Several days prior to the requested delivery date, call the lead person for the meeting or e-mail them and remind them that you will need the draft by the established date, allowing you time to review the document so that the meeting time can be used most efficiently. If you do not have the document on the established date, call or e-mail the lead person again, letting them know that if you don't have it by tomorrow you will need to reschedule the meeting. If you don't have the draft by the next day, call or e-mail and reschedule. If you continue to work with a core group of people from this team over the next few years, as is often the case, you won't have to do this many times before they learn your style and will say to you at the planning meeting, "We will have the draft to you by ____" If for some essential reason you must attend the meeting without a prior review of the document, do not sign anything at the meeting until you have had time to review it in it's entirety outside of the pressures of the meeting.

6. Leave last years problems at the door.

Your child's future is at stake. This is important business to you. If you have had bad experiences in the past with trying to meet your child's needs and have felt your concerns were unheard or unimportant, it can be difficult not to carry these past experiences into the current meeting. But doing so is essential. Most often, at least one or two of the "players on the team" will change from year to year. The change in players creates a change in group dynamics. This is a different group of people. You must give them a chance. Do everything in your power to leave last year's problems at the door. Try to keep your discussion present-focused. If you continually bring up what other school districts, schools, principals, teachers, did in previous years you will alienate yourself from the team. Give this group a chance. It is in your child's best interest to keep these thoughts and feelings away from the meeting. Vent to your spouse, to a friend, to a support group, but try not to bring it to the meeting. The relationship with these people is paramount. Like it or not, for all intents and purposes, they hold the keys. You must develop a strong working relationship with them.

Hopefully by preparing as detailed here you will find your school meetings less and less stressful. Good luck.

© Susan Mikolic, R.N.

[back to Articles]